Stop Buying, Start Baking: The Ultimate, Slightly Sarcastic Everything Bagel Recipe
Remember that time you spent five dollars on a single, mediocre everything bagel from a coffee shop and thought, “My life is a lie?” Yeah, me too. We’ve all been there, sacrificing our hard-earned cash for a chewy, flavor-dusted disappointment. Well, forget that noise. Today, we’re making the real deal: the ultimate Everything bagel. It’s the kind of bagel that makes you question every life choice that didn’t involve baking. Get ready to feel incredibly superior to your local bakery.
This isn’t your grandma’s secret, eight-hour, temperamental bread recipe. This is the recipe for the busy, slightly impatient, but deeply food-obsessed friend who demands maximum flavor for minimum effort. Seriously, your kitchen is about to smell like the best New York City bagel shop, and your breakfast game will never be the same.
Why This Bagel Recipe Is Your New Kitchen Obsession
It’s ridiculously easy. We use a simpler, faster method than the traditional, day-long fermentation process. Do you want to wait 24 hours for a bagel? I didn’t think so. We streamline the process, ensuring you get that perfect chew and crust in a fraction of the time.
The flavor factor is insane. Homemade bagels just hit different. You control the salt, the sweetness (just a touch!), and, most importantly, the entire universe of the everything seasoning. Generosity is key here, so don’t be shy with the toppings.
Hello, instant food celebrity! Serving these beauties at brunch? You’re not just hosting; you’re providing a culinary experience. Your friends will fawn. They will beg for the recipe. You can then bask in the glow of your superior baking skills. Who doesn’t want that kind of validation?
Ingredients: The Bagel Dream Team
We’re keeping this simple. You probably have most of this stuff in your pantry right now. If not, FYI, a quick trip to the store is in order.
- 1 ½ cups (360ml) Warm Water: Think bathwater temperature—not too hot, or you’ll murder the yeast.
- 2 teaspoons Active Dry Yeast: The tiny engine of our bagel operation.
- 1 Tablespoon Granulated Sugar (or Barley Malt Syrup): Sugar feeds the yeast and helps with browning. Barley malt syrup is the pro secret for that authentic New York flavor, IMO.
- 2 Teaspoons Salt: Essential for flavor. Don’t skip it, or your bagel will taste like sadness.
- 3 ½ to 4 cups (420g to 480g) High-Protein Bread Flour: Use bread flour! All-purpose flour yields a bagel that’s too soft. We want chew, people!
- 1 Large Egg White (for the egg wash): Helps the seasoning stick like glue.
- Everything Bagel Seasoning: A glorious mix of poppy seeds, sesame seeds, dried garlic, dried onion, and flaky salt. Be aggressive with this.
Substitutions for the Slightly Different Palate
- Flour: If you absolutely cannot find bread flour, you can use all-purpose, but prepare for a slightly less-chewy texture. Don’t blame me when your texture is meh.
- Sugar: Honey or maple syrup works perfectly if you’re out of granulated sugar. Same yeast-feeding, browning job, just a different vibe.
Tools & Kitchen Gadgets Used: Your Baking Arsenal
You don’t need a professional setup, but these tools make the job a million times easier. TBH, a stand mixer is a game-changer for kneading bagel dough—it’s seriously stiff!
- Stand Mixer with Dough Hook Attachment: Saves your arm muscles from a serious workout.
- Large Mixing Bowl: For the initial yeast bloom and the first rise.
- Measuring Cups and Spoons: Precision is key in baking, friends.
- Large Pot or Dutch Oven: For the all-important boiling step. You need something big enough to hold the water and a few bagels.
- Slotted Spoon or Skimmer: To gently lift the boiled bagels out of the water bath.
- Two Baking Sheets: You’ll need this many to space out your dough rings.
- Parchment Paper or Silicone Baking Mats: Non-negotiable for preventing sticking and a cleanup nightmare.
- Small Bowl: For the egg wash.
- Pastry Brush: To apply the egg wash evenly.
Step-by-Step Instructions: Bagel Boss Mode Activated
We’re going from flour to fabulous in eight simple, yet essential, steps. Follow along, and try not to eat the dough.
1. Activate the Yeast (The Wake-Up Call)
In your stand mixer bowl, combine the warm water, yeast, and sugar (or malt syrup). Give it a gentle stir. Let it sit for 5-10 minutes. It should get frothy and bubbly. If it doesn’t, your yeast is dead. Start over, and use less hot water next time.
2. Knead the Dough (Arm Workout Avoided)
Add the salt and 3 ½ cups of the bread flour to the yeast mixture. Attach the dough hook and mix on low speed until a shaggy dough forms. Gradually add more flour, a tablespoon at a time, until the dough pulls cleanly away from the sides of the bowl. Knead the dough on medium-low speed for a full 8-10 minutes. This develops the gluten and gives us that iconic chew. The dough will be stiff—that’s what you want!
3. The First Rise (Dough’s Beauty Sleep)
Lightly grease a large bowl. Place the dough ball in the bowl, turning it to coat. Cover the bowl with plastic wrap or a kitchen towel. Let it rise in a warm spot for about 60-90 minutes, or until it has almost doubled in size. Don’t rush perfection.
4. Shape the Rings (The Doughnut Phase)
Gently punch down the dough to release the air (that’s the fun part!). Divide the dough into 8 equal pieces (around 4 ounces/113g each). Roll each piece into a tight ball. Now, poke a hole through the center of each ball using your thumb, stretching the ring gently until the hole is about 1 ½ inches wide. Make the hole bigger than you think necessary! They puff up. Place the shaped rings on the prepared baking sheets lined with parchment paper.
5. The Second Chill (The Secret Weapon)
Cover the baking sheets loosely with plastic wrap. Stick them in the fridge for at least 30 minutes, or up to 24 hours. This chill step helps them hold their shape and improves the final texture. Do you want flat bagels? No? Then chill them.
6. Boil the Bagels (The Crucial Step)
Preheat your oven to 425°F (220°C). Bring a large pot of water to a rolling boil. If you want extra shine and chew, add 1 tablespoon of baking soda or malt syrup to the water. Gently drop 2-3 bagels into the boiling water (don’t overcrowd the pot!). Boil them for 1 minute per side. This gelatinizes the starch on the outside, which is why bagels get that glorious crust.
7. Top and Bake (The Glamour Shot)
Remove the bagels with a slotted spoon and place them back on the parchment-lined baking sheets. Whisk the egg white in a small bowl. Brush the tops of the boiled bagels with the egg wash. Now, for the main event: generously sprinkle the Everything Bagel Seasoning all over the tops. Bake for 18-20 minutes, flipping the bagels halfway through, until they are deeply golden brown.
8. Cool and Devour (The Best Part)
Transfer the baked bagels to a wire rack to cool completely. Or, you know, slice one open immediately and slather it with cream cheese because you earned it.
Calories & Nutritional Info: Guilt-Free-ish Pleasure
Obviously, homemade is generally better for you than that mystery bagel from the freezer aisle. Here’s a quick look at what you’re getting yourself into. Note: These are estimates and depend entirely on your ingredient exactness and serving size.
- Estimated Calories Per Bagel (Un-topped): Approximately 280–320 calories.
- Protein Power: About 10-12g of protein thanks to that high-protein bread flour. Hello, sustained energy!
- Low Fat Content: Bagels are naturally very low in fat.
- Carb Conscious: Yes, they are a carb, but a delicious carb. They are also a good source of complex carbohydrates.
- Everything Seasoning Bonus: The seasoning adds negligible calories but a healthy dose of fiber (from the seeds) and some antioxidants. You’re basically eating a superfood.
Common Mistakes to Avoid: Stop Sabotaging Your Bagels
Baking is a science, but you don’t need a lab coat. Just avoid these rookie errors, and you’ll be fine.
- Using Cold Water: You must use warm water to wake up the yeast. Cold water keeps it sleeping; hot water kills it. That’s a costly mistake!
- Skipping the Boil: Think you can just bake them? Nope. You get bread-rolls-with-a-hole, not a chewy bagel. Boiling is non-negotiable for the crust and texture.
- Not Kneading Long Enough: Bagel dough needs a serious kneading session to build strong gluten strands. If your dough feels soft and slack, you need to keep kneading. Aim for stiff, elastic dough.
- Making the Center Hole Too Small: As I said, they puff up! If the hole is tiny before baking, it will close up during the rise and bake. Make it look too big; it will be just right.
- Not Using Enough Seasoning: This is the Everything bagel. Douse them in the seasoning! A meager sprinkle is an insult to the bagel gods.
Variations & Customizations: Be Your Own Bagel Artist
The Everything bagel is perfect, but sometimes you crave variety. Here are three fun ways to shake things up:
- The Keto/Low-Carb Swap: Look up a “Fathead” dough recipe (cream cheese and mozzarella dough). Follow the shaping, boiling, and topping instructions here. The texture is different, but the everything seasoning is still a superstar.
- Cinnamon-Sugar Sweetness: Skip the Everything seasoning. Instead, brush with the egg wash and generously top with a mixture of cinnamon and sugar. A dessert bagel? Don’t mind if I do.
- Spicy Jalapeño & Cheddar: Before the second rise, mix finely diced fresh jalapeño and shredded cheddar cheese into the dough. After the boil, skip the egg wash/Everything seasoning and top the bagels with more cheddar cheese. Warning: incredibly addictive.
FAQ Section: All Your Burning Bagel Questions Answered
Everyone has questions, and I’m here to tell you that no, you’re not the first person to ask if you can use coffee instead of water.
Q1: Can I make the bagel dough ahead of time? A: Absolutely! You can keep the shaped bagels covered in the fridge for up to 24 hours after the initial rise. This actually gives the bagels a deeper flavor. Just pull them out, let them sit at room temperature for about 30 minutes while you heat the oven and boil the water, then proceed with the boiling step.
Q2: What is the best flour for bagels? A: High-protein bread flour wins, hands down. It has a higher protein content than all-purpose flour, which creates the strong gluten structure necessary for that classic, satisfying chew.
Q3: Why did my bagels get flat and wrinkly after boiling? A: Two main culprits here: over-proofing (letting the dough rise too much) or over-boiling (leaving them in the water too long). Stick to the recommended rise times and the one minute per side boil time.
Q4: Do I have to use the egg wash? A: You don’t have to, but the egg wash is the best bagel glue. You can use milk or a water-sugar mixture, but the egg white helps the seasoning stick better and gives the bagel a beautiful, glossy shine.
Q5: What is the best way to store homemade bagels? A: Store cooled bagels in an airtight container at room temperature for up to 3 days. For longer storage, slice and freeze them in a freezer bag for up to 3 months. To serve, just toast from frozen!
Q6: Can I bake these without a stand mixer? A: Yes, but prepare for a serious arm workout. You will need to knead by hand for at least 15-20 minutes on a lightly floured surface until the dough is smooth, stiff, and elastic. This is not for the faint of heart!
Q7: Is the baking soda necessary in the boiling water? A: No, but it’s highly recommended. Baking soda makes the water more alkaline, which helps create a deeper mahogany crust and a chewier texture. Malt syrup does the same job and adds a little sweetness.
Final Thoughts: Say Goodbye to Store-Bought Sadness
You’ve done it. You have conquered the world of the Everything bagel. Do yourself a favor: slice one open while it’s still warm, slather it with a ridiculous amount of cream cheese (chive and onion, perhaps?), and take a big, glorious bite. See? You didn’t need that overpriced coffee shop bagel after all. You are now a certified Bagel Boss. Go forth and spread the carb-laden gospel! Now, when are you sharing your first batch? 🙂
